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Tuesday, 28 May 2013

Open Day at Offputting Manor

Maddy always says these open days are necessary to be part of the community but I dread the hoi pelloi tramping all over the damn lawn.

Anyway, I left Maddy and the staff to it, retreating to my favourite local, The Surfeit of Lamprey to see if any of my old chums were about.  I was delighted to see that two old Warboys men, Nigel Snipe-Razzel and Jeremy Enjoyse-Silk were propping up the bar, talking with none other than my erstwhile brother-in-law, Henry Treadsoftly.

"What Ho!" I exclaimed, reverting to the Warboys greeting. Nigel raised a hand and waved me over.
"What do you think about this fellow, Nigel Toofar?"  he asked.
"What? The leader of those UKGIP fellows?" I replied, "I think the man is a cad. Not that I'm against stepping away from Europe a bit but he'd go back to shooting foreigners for stepping on the lawn in Parliament square unless they were white anglicans. I mean, one has to live in the modern age, don't you know.  It's one thing to chase loiterers off your lawn with a twelve bore but quite another thing to go around insulting everyone who doesn't have a public school accent and seven generations who fought for the country."

"I thought you might be in favour, old boy" Jeremy said, mockingly. "After all, you told me that you were in favour of going after trespassers with a croquet mallet."

"You'll notice that I didn't distinguish their class or background. That Toofar fellow is just what we don't need.  Facist politics in the guise of middle class acceptability.  That's how that damned  painter got to run Germany back in the thirties."

Henry was nodding all the time. A very middle of the road sort of chap, Henry.  My overbearing sister, Hilderbrande will tell him whom he is to vote for at the next election, of course.
"Where is Hildebrande, today?" I asked, changing the subject.  I knew if he was having a pint, she wouldn't be at home otherwise he would have other tasks.
"Oh, gone up to town with Daisy D'Ayzee to see one of those Geoffrey Overblown-Blythe pieces. Daisy is the new chairperson of the Much Vexing Ladies Music Society"
I nodded.

"Henry deplores Toofar and all his cronies"  Nigel Snipe-Razel added. "Personally, I was rather interested in what he had to say.  He speaks for many who are too afraid to say what they really think."

I agree with the De Grincheux" Jeremy said, lazily, wafting an arm as if in one of his stage appearances, "the man is not to be trusted."

"Mark my words" I said, taking a long pull on my pint of Cardinal's Disgrace, "if we don't start acting like one society, there'll be more trouble and violence resulting from support for parties like that. They stir resentment and create division. This can be a peaceful and joyous nation. If everyone sees the benefits of enjoying an Englishman's lifestyle, has a bit of property, a garden and talks to his and her neighbours, we'd get on fine.  It's not that hard."